WHAT IS ABUSE?

 

 

ABUSE

 

Abuse means mistreating another person.  Abuse may be physical, emotional, or sexual.  The word “abuse” can be used to mean each of these things or it can be used to mean all three of them.

 

PHYSICAL

 

Has your partner done any of these things to you?

 

  1. Slapped, pushed, shoved, bit, hit with a fist.
  2. Bruises from being hit, held, or squeezed.
  3. Black eye, cut lip, or broken teeth from being attacked.
  4. Seeing a doctor as a result of injuries.
  5. Hospitalized as a result of you partner’s violence
  6. Threatened with razors, knives, guns, broken bottles, or other items
  7. A person who uses physical abuse almost always uses emotional abuse, too.

 

Sometimes women abuse men.  They may even hit men, but hardly ever batter men.  Men usually use a clenched fist with rings.  Women seldom use a fist -- they usually try to throw something.  Men are usually not afraid of being hurt by women.  So it is hard for a woman to control a man by force.  Battering is a “PATTERN OF CONTROL.”

 

EMOTIONAL

 

Emotional abuse is mistreating and controlling another person through his/her feelings.  The emotional abuser makes the partner feel afraid, helpless, or worthless.  Emotional abuse always accompanies physical abuse, but physical abuse does not always accompany psychological abuse.

 

Forms of emotional abuse:

  1. INSULTS – constant and/or extreme criticisms that emotionally injure your personal, emotional, sexual, professional and/or other selves.  Insults can undermine the partner’s self-confidence and eventually emotionally cripple you.
  2. REJECTIONS – direct or indirect statements that create feelings of unworthiness.  Constant insults and rejections teach the victim that they are not worthy of receiving loving behavior.  Rejections can be used as punishment for not cooperating with an abusive partner.  Abusers may also deliver a rejection in an attempt to justify their anger towards you.  In distorted reverse logic, if you are not worthy of love, then the abuser is not obligated to act lovingly toward you.

 

 

 

  1. EMOTIONAL THREATS AND ACCUSATIONS – direct or indirect statements stating intent to cause emotional or physical harm; or, to create emotional loss to you or those you love, depend upon or are responsible for.  This includes the abuser lying about your behavior, attitudes, or emotional state to anyone else in such a way that you cannot defend yourself.
  2. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL – A statement or behavior that uses your fear, guilt, insecurity, or confusion to trap you into giving the abuser power over you.  Most victims prefer their private lives were not public information and to an already terrorized person, an emotional blackmail can force them to give the abuser a “blank check” on their lives.
  3. CRAZY MAKING STATEMENTS AND BEHAVIOR – distorts reality and destroys the possibility of honest communication.  They are also very effective devices for increasing confusion and insecurity.
    1. Saying one thing and meaning or doing another.
    2. Acting as if you are ignorant about something you know all about
    3. Stating a lie as if it were a known truth
    4. Stating a lot of good intentions or regrets that are never followed through on

       6.    NOT TAKING SERIOUSLY, BEING IGNORED AND NEGLECTED – Another way to undermine a person’s self-esteem.  Having requests ignored and needs denied can be emotionally painful enough to make you doubt your knowledge and judgment about yourself and others.  It is another way of saying that you are unimportant.

 

 

Has your partner done any of these things to you?

 

  1. Ignored you, called you names, made fun of you?
  2. Controlled the money, car decisions?
  3. Threatened to leave you regularly?
  4. Told you about his affairs with other women?
  5. Punished the children when he was angry with you?
  6. Abused pets to hurt you?

 

If so, you are emotionally abused.

 

SEXUAL

 

Sexual abuse is mistreatment by means of sexual acts, demands or insults.  It can be partly physical and partly emotional.  Or it can be just one or the other.

 

Has your partner done any of these things to you?

 

  1. Scared you so much you had sex when you didn’t want to?
  2. Made you have sex when it was painful or you were sick?
  3. Not told you he had a sexually transmitted disease?
  4. Not let you use birth control?
  5. Refused to use a condom to protect you from S.T.D.s or AIDS?

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